Michelle Waspe Photography

Lest I forget...

2011-11-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

I take so many photos of my son...some to capture great moments but quite a few, dare I say, 'mostly' at the moment to practice new techniques, camera settings, editing styles....he is my guinea pig. Mostly he's a good sport and has recently taking to insisting on his trademark pose of next to a tree with one hand on tree and one foot in front of the other .... It's going to be amazing looking back at all these images and I'm so glad there will be hundreds to look back on..... but suddenly today, I thought about all the tiny things about his person, right now, that I love and find incredible and often hysterical that I may soon forget or will get blurred in the mists of time..... so here's one or a dozen things that are amazing, right now....

1. 1. When he gets into bed with me in the night or in the morning, he asks me to turn around for a kiss and a cuddle – sublime!

2. 2. His current thing of throwing his head back and doing a really evil laugh – where did he get that from?

3. 3. His love of the programme Iconicles and the way he stands in from of the TV wearing my tacky gold casio watch and sunglasses to look like the presenter Nat and sings along with him including all the hand gestures.

4. 4. The way he sings along with the local radio station’s jingle: “With the smoothest sounds in the South West, The Breeze.” That station plays the cheesiest music from the 80s and 90s, it is my guilty pleasure! Note to self, must go digital soon…

5. 5. The way he sings along with Adele’s “Someone like you” when we’re in the car.

6 6. The way he takes his nappy off after a poo and insists on putting it in the bin, every time.

7 7. The fact that he is totally excited about Christmas, Santa and presents and keeps asking to “go to Christmas.”

8 8. The fact that every time we pass a bike he stops and says “want that”. And that we have bought him one for Christmas and CANNOT WAIT to see his face on Christmas morning!

9 9. His obsession with his Everton top – he’d wear it day and night, every day and night if he could (which my husband loves!)

10 10. The way he happily goes up to strangers and talks to them, his amazing trust and openness of the unknown – inspiring!

11 11.. The fact that he unashamedly loves to sing twinkle twinkle little star in public all the way through with actions.

13 12. The fact that he LOVES football – oh my goodness, makes my husband soooooo pleased!!!

14 13. The way he shuts the door in my face sometimes when I want to come in and he’s in his room – teenager behaviour already!!

Leigh+Owen Bristol Wedding

2011-10-26T14:41:00.000-07:00

On a balmy autumn day, with the wind gently blowing through the trees, tossing their rich coloured leaves to the ground, signalling the coming of winter, Leigh and Owen celebrated their official US marriage in England with a warm and emotional celebration at a cute church hall in Stapleton, Bristol. Leigh is from Pittsburgh and oozes beauty, charm and glamour - she made me feel so welcome and I felt like I was photographing a glamorous, Hollywood starlet! Owen, who is from Bristol, was like a true English gent, handsome, dashing and elegant - in fact he reminded me of a James Bond-like character! The party had lots of lovely English touches, cute teacups, cookies, fairy cakes and bunting and they made the guests who couldn't make their US ceremony, which was held on a boat, very happy by re-enacting the ceremony, complete with the bride's father escorting her to the 'alter', vows, speeches and even a gorgeous little flower girl. After the emotional ceremony and speeches, the champagne was flowing and the party really got going.... here's a selection from the day...

Leigh+Owen sneak peek...

2011-10-19T03:55:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I had the pleasure of photographing the gorgeous Leigh and Owen's UK wedding celebrations. The couple officially married in the US in September and then organised a party in Bristol for friends/family who couldn't make the ceremony in the US, complete with a re-enactment of the original ceremony! Here's 3 frames...more to follow soon...

Happiness is a journey, not a destination

2011-10-18T07:41:00.001-07:00

And while I'm in a reflective mood - Harry is at Granny's which is why I have this time.... here's something I found which I hope I can remember as much as possible....

http://llerrah.com/happinessjourney.htm

2011-10-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd put these up from my phone before something happens to it (v likely with a toddler around). The first is from my local park.... I don't know why I just like it...... below is Harry with some of his playgroup creations. Every week we go to a playgroup where a lovely lady called Heather helps the children make all sorts of wonderful things. I don't know where she gets her inspiration from but some of the stuff is so intricate, I think she must spend ages cutting up and sourcing all the bits and pieces...

After a period of hating every time the camera is pointed at him, Harry has suddenly decided that not only does he loves it - he now asks me to take a picture of him, but also striking a pose - which I kind of don't want him to do but it's funny at the same time.

A cold afternoon alone in the playground

"I'm the king of the castle" - a favourite phrase at the moment. And cuddling George.

I promise to shoot from the heart

2011-10-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

I had a bit of a revelation today.... I don't know whether it's because I have had an annoying chesty thing/cold now for over a week and it's just got worse and I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself....but I realised that I've been so obsessed by improving my photography technically, obsessing about whether it's the right ISO, what aperture, am I doing it right, desperately wanting to create images like those of photographers who I love etc etc - which isn't a bad thing at all, as it's important and I want to get everything right in-camera - but I've forgotten to just 'shoot from the heart' and the reasons I love taking pictures and obsessing about them afterwards..... I'm so caught up in trying to find out who I am as a photographer, how I'm going to brand myself, get clients, do a website, get the right equipment that I've forgotten to just enjoy it and be me............because I think one of the problems is that I'm still not sure who that really is............ and I'm still a bit ashamed of the things I dislike about myself, like my impatience, perfectionism, control freakery and frustration because I can't do the things I really want to, that I think none of the things I really want to happen will happen because I'm just not a nice enough person and I don't deserve it. I look at the photographers I love and I want their little worlds, their talent, their luck and support networks, and I think the reason I don't have it is because there's not enough love in my life........... I have such a complex relationship with my parents, I'm sort of half-angry and half-sad at them a lot of the time. I feel sad about the past, the things I've done, mistakes and choices, and the lost friendships. I sometimes yearn to go back and have another go at everything. I feel an overwhelming urge to be the best at what I do or I will see myself as a failure. I just don't feel 'right' sometimes.

I know I can't change these things but they cloud my heart and stop me from being the person I want to be more of the time: happy, warm, positive, carefree......................................................

Sooooooooooooooo, having realised this I decided I really needed to focus on the nice things about me and my life, and shoot 'from the heart', and not obsess about my images and imagine everyone judging them.... because there are moments that I'm missing amidst all this chaos............ my first task is to video my son singing 'twinkle twinkle'. It's so cute and amazing that he can now do this!

Sneak peek - Monty's naming ceremony

2011-10-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

Here's a few from Monty's naming ceremony last weekend - can't wait to edit the rest!

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air...

2011-09-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

Every so often, I have a slight freak out about being a full-time mum. Obviously, I have the business but often that's weekend work, so apart from that it's me and Harry, Harry and me, pretty much all day. And we don't do naps. Not since a few months ago when he started developing an alarming ability of being able to power on until 11 or so pm, leaving us tempted to say to him, "remember to switch the lights off when you go up".

One thing I've learnt becoming a parent - with a bit of a shock I am not ashamed to admit - is that it is without a doubt a rollercoaster of emotions. It's not all fluffy and wonderful and coo-ee aren't you cute (as you imagine it will be before they arrive). Sometimes, I'm driven to the point of such distraction that I have to leave the room and take deep breaths in disbelief that I'm actually arguing with a 2 year old who refuses to get dressed and we need to leave in 15 minutes, and I still have to make lunch, find all the stuff I probably won't even need but must take just in case, feed the cat, find my keys, check I have everything, find my visa card, find his drink, check I have everything.....In fact, I often find myself feeling, after 2.5 years of never getting enough sleep, not dissimilar to my younger days of partying, drinking and general naughtiness; tired and emotional but nothing a good lie-in until midday wouldn't solve. Unfortunately, a toddler doesn't show much empathy at this stage and at around 6 am the next day the bell rings, ding ding, round 2.

During phases like this, I fantasise about escape.... yearning of only thinking of myself, finding the time and inclination to pamper myself like I used to (oh, how I used to sneer at those women who I thought had let themselves go after kids) now I truly understand how it is often a Herculean task to actually slap some foundation on and eyeliner in the midst of everything else that needs to get done during a day spent with an unpredictable, often selfish, non-empathetic, demanding toddler. Now, don't get me wrong - he sometimes does play on his own for long periods, but, in this game, there's no guarantee. Some days, he's just in that narky/clingy mood that I literally have to pin my arms behind my back from stopping myself from feeding him an endless carousel of chocolate and treats to get him to do anything.

And it can be very lonely. Now, I'm happy to spend time alone, but I am most definitely a person who needs to connect with others. Especially when being a parent, and you are being tested to the limits most days. I have found reserves of patience and sanity that I didn't know I had in the last couple of years, and it's easy to think everyone else is having an easier time, and that's because of course, they are better parents than you.... So having friends to chat to, connect with, share the highs and lows with is vital, I think. No man is an island, it is said, and I think that's especially true when you're a mum or dad who stays at home.

When my internal fire subsides and I realise packing my bags and escaping in a black cab to the the airport, a la Eastenders style is not really an option, I try and focus on how lucky I am to have spent this time with him, how utterly bloody marvellous and funny he is. How, on waking up the other morning, he said, "mummy, I missed you", or randomly saying, "mummy, you're lovely", or saying "thank you" without prompting, sharing his food with others without me asking him, just kissing me and hugging me randomly - all these wonderful things. I sometimes wonder why people go on to have another one, but it's these priceless, special, surprise moments like this that make me understand why people do.

Time for another one????
Here's a few from the last couple of days...

Dad's visit

2011-09-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

My dad came over to stay from Prague for a week. It felt like a momentous occasion as he's been through a lot in the last few years: throat cancer, diabetes, part of his leg removed - and still he keeps going! Hoorah! He came with his lovely wife who was absolutely brilliant with Harry, despite the language barrier (although her English is pretty good really). Harry took everything in his stride - the different language, the wheelchair, helping Jana to put my dad's false leg on in the mornings and the device my dad uses to speak as he's had his voice box removed so his voice sounds electronic - he loved being around them both and was not phased by it at all.
I enjoyed the visit, but at the same time could not help but reflect on the fragility of life, the process of ageing and the importance of looking after oneself. Seeing this man, that was once young, strong and agile, so drastically changed from my early memories, not helped by his own unhealthy lifestyle choices, and the consequences of them. I couldn't help feel sad and anxious, yet at the same time, ambitious and excited about my own life and future, and above all lucky....

2011-09-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

My husband is home tomorrow after a business trip - but before then I get a delicious day off when Harry goes to granny's for the day. I look forward to these precious days to myself and I usually have a long do-to list which then goes out the window when I crawl into bed after dropping him off and catching up on some sleep!! I've promised myself not to feel guilt about it (which I won't) and to try and relax and read one of the 27 books on my reading list....hmmm... here are some snaps from the last few days of just Harry and mummy-time...

Hello autumn

2011-09-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

My husband is going away tomorrow morning until Wednesday night. I always get slightly nervous about the solo parenting thing 24/7 because I don't like being stretched to my limit regarding patience and endurance!! He's ace though - most of the time - especially with mummy so busy with this photography lark and sneaking off to look at blogs and websites. Here's a snap from our outing to the park yesterday. I edited it with an autumnal feel as, despite it being warm, I sense autumn is just around the corner...

Lex+Dan

2011-09-02T02:10:00.000-07:00

Not blogging much at the mo as every spare moment is taken up with me designing my website for the big launch!! My brilliant husband is building it but as he works full-time too we are squeezing it in around every free minute we have... Here's a few from the shoot I did with the lovely Lex and Dan - what a fab couple - so witty, quirky and wonderful, it was a real pleasure :-)

Tryph+Mike - preview

2011-08-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

I've had such a fun few days, spending time with family - lots of good food, wine and kids running wild! It's been lovely watching Harry play with his cousins and getting on so well.... he's such a little boy now, with his own character, ideas and imagination - amazing!

I then got back to find out I had won some gorgeous fridge magnets from the amazing and talented Emma Case

http://emmacasephotography.blogspot.com - yay!!!! I don't think I've ever really won anything before so it means a lot to get something from somebody who you admire and who inspires you.... thank you.

I also had a great shoot with the lovely Tryph and Mike. They were so fun and very relaxed and I loved their little interactions and how much fun they brought to the shoot - here's a little preview of our day.

New Chapters

2011-08-01T15:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life and its journey saunters along steadily, with comfort and routine leading the way. At others, it feels like you're hurtling on some out of control sleigh about to crash into some snowed-in parked cars at the bottom of the hill.... The latter is true for me at the moment. So much going on at the moment. And all this squeezed around looking after my son and getting at least some sleep at night. I'm busy designing my website and logo and can't wait to get blogging on the new site and embracing this new, exciting chapter of my life. Here's a few recent snaps from the weekend with my lush new lens.

A new perspective

2011-07-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Tuesday morning, after I'd dropped Harry off at granny's, I skipped to the tiny camera shop next door, crossing my fingers they had a 50 1.8 I could exchange for my 55-200. They did, hurrah! I couldn't wait to get home to try it and revel in some lovely bokeh! It doesn't autofocus on my current camera but I'll soon be getting another one so I don't mind. I also received the great news that morning that our request for a loan had been accepted, which means I can get off and get some lovely new equipment for my business. Hurrah! Barney was home early so I immediately dragged him out for a shoot to play with my new lens....

Rocks and bottoms

2011-07-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a tough day. I seem to be hitting such highs and lows each day with where I am at the moment with my photography. One day flying high and joyous with that lovely cosy feeling that I know where I'm going with my work, and then crash, for no apparent reason life feels scarily flat, frustrating, full of challenges and walls, and I think it's because of me, because of the way I am, that's why it's happening, or not happening.
I feel stuck because I need better equipment. But to get better equipment I need to work. But I don't have the confidence to work with the equipment I have - argh! It feels like a vicious circle. And then I start doubting: so many unbelievably fantastic photographers out there, can I really add something to it all, is there room for little me? And I'm so sick of having no money it hurts. So fed up of analysing every single penny I spend and longing to buy a guiltless ice cream spontaneously in the park on a sunny day. And then of course we argue, and then it comes out that I should be working and I start to feel incredibly guilty that I'm doing this silly photography thing and that I should have got a proper job ages ago to stop this perpetual monthly drowning in never having enough money and all the stress and arguments ...

Beach fun

2011-07-13T04:51:00.000-07:00

On Monday my son and I spent a lovely day on the beach with a couple of mates and their kids. Lots of sun, sandcastles, ice cream and splashing around in the warmth of the sea at Weston-Super-Mare. I took the opportunity to take some snaps and fought the urge to pose the little ones who were having a fab time just being themselves. Here are a few of my favourite images.

2011-07-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day. Today was an I heart Bristol day. Not that I don't like it here but this last year has had it's ups and downs, and it's not always been easy starting again in a city you've never been to before and know no one (apart from your mum!) when you're not so young..... But today the weather was glorious and we went to a mini-festival in the local park. Here are a couple of snaps from the day....